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02.07.17

Blog Role

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02.07.17

Ellen Roggemann


- a solo girl's guide to a love-filled day -


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I have spent most of my adult life alone, even when I was married or coupled (long-distance is my jam) which means I am an aficionado on being single on that hallmark day of love, Valentine's Day.

There is a lot of love to celebrate whether we are single, partnered, married, divorced, widowed, heartbroken, or hopeful. A day in bed hiding from the hype may temporarily sooth a damaged heart, but letting it shine is way more my style. 

So here it is: my suggestions for a soulfully single Valentine's Day.

Go on a day trip with desire - There is a magic to adventuring alone. When solo you can wrap yourself in your own company and delve into your own experience. I like taking a stroll and letting the crossing signs decide which way I wander or driving to the horizon and back. Stop when and where you want. Go when something pulls at you. Yes, loneliness does sometimes come along, but she is felt more in the occasional sideways glance than in the soul. Curiosity and desire one up her as tour guides and companions. No conversation, no safety blanket, just you and the world. 

Make an extra special meal - On occasion I break out the cookbook with drool worthy photos and spend more time and effort on a dinner-for-one than I usually would. I buy the nicer cheese. I go to the local butcher shop for that ham that reminds me of Spain. I turn off the streaming video and put the phone away, just as I would if I was eating opposite someone. And I make myself feel as special as I would a guest.

Give yourself what you have been waiting for -  During a past single-living interlude, I got frustrated with the loneliness I was feeling and finally asked myself, "What is it really that I miss about being in a relationship?" For me, a chronic do-er, part of what I loved about being in relationships was that my usual chill-dude type gets me to slow down. I like lying in bed on weekend mornings instead of jumping up and attacking my to-do list. With no potential partner in sight, I decided that day to give myself the gifts that I had depended on partnership to provide. I do look forward to a day when the right man is snuggled up beside me, but I'm not going to wait for him to give me the permission to live the way that I want to live. I can do that all by myself. For me, this means drinking my coffee from bed on a Sunday morning as I read or watch a crime drama or...

Touch your own beauty - Nothing says I love you like glowing skin. My current obsession is a floral facial steam followed by this turmeric & yogurt mask. I finish off with a light facial massage, using a teaspoon of coconut oil that I let melt in my hands. In the winter months I like to add a few drops of cardamom EO to the coconut oil because it generates warmth. Roses, cardamom, turmeric...the smells and colors remind me of Morocco.

Break out the glitter - In Mexico, Valentine's Day is called Dia del amor y amistad (Day of love and friendship) and you gift roses of different colors to all the special people in your life. It's a tradition that inspires me more than the for-my-one-and-only US Valentine's Day ethos. In this vain, I've been known to break out the doilies, glitter, and construction paper to make valentines for all those special to me. This year I'll be using a Nature Pun Variety Pack and sending out some Acacia swags. Why not celebrate all the love I have in my life, whether or not I have a dedicated mister?